IA Insomniacs Anonymous
by FearandMalice
Summary: Watari really thinks L needs more sleep. So he intervenes.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of its characters**

L stared warily at the imposing façade of the building where the I.A. meeting was being held, and wondered, for what felt like the hundredth time, what he was doing there.

And then he remembered.

It was because, a couple days ago, Watari had said out of the blue,"L, you need to get some sleep"

"Mmm" L replied, so engrossed in a case file that he hadn't really processed what it was Watari had said.

"So I signed you up for a group called Insomniacs Anonymous, the next meeting is two days away"

"Mmm" came the same semi-reply. Then it sunk in.

"Wait what!" He yelped, turning to stare at the older man in horror. "I can't go to any meetings Watari, I have to concentrate on this case."

"Too late now" Aizawa said walking in. "The people at I.A are apparently very forceful. I had a cousin who signed up and then changed his mind, and on the day of the next meeting three fellow members came to his house and dragged him to the meeting."

L shrugged, relaxing slightly "Oh, it's highly unlikely that they will be able to get passed the security here."

"No kidding." Matsuda muttered, glancing at the wall TV screens gracing one side of the room.

"True," Watari replied "But you're still going to go willingly"

"What makes you think I will do that?" L inquired.

"Because if you don't I'll cut off your sugar supply" Watari said threateningly.

The whole room went quiet; no one knew what would happen if L didn't have sugar and they really, really didn't want to find out.

"I have no wish to attend any of these meetings; somebody here can teach me how to fall asleep." He stared stubbornly back.

"When was the last time you actually slept?" Mogi asked.

"Umm…maybe a month ago?" L replied after thinking for a moment.

Everybody's jaw dropped, faces disbelieving, with the exception of Watari, who only looked grim.

"Anyway," L continued, glancing around at the other task force members. "Matsuda, how do you get to sleep each night?"

"I cuddle with a pink stuffed bear I named Princess Strawberry" Matsuda replied almost immediately, then after realizing what he said he quickly covered his mouth, his face turning red.

Chief Yagami and Aizawa slapped there palms to their foreheads while everyone else simply looked amused.

"I see," L said, no change in his expression "Any other ideas?"

There were mutters of "Nope." and "Figure it out on your own."

"Well," L stated reluctantly, "As I refuse to sleep with a stuffed animal, it seems that I shall have to attend this meeting." He shot Watari an injured look.

And that was how L ended up outside the building where the I.A meeting was being held.

Cursing his dependence on sweets, he stepped through the doors.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of its characters. **

There were brightly colored signs with arrows leading towards the meeting.

"Ugggh…" L groaned, that didn't bode well; the décor was already getting to him. And knowing this type of thing, it would probably only get worse. It did.

As he walked in, he heard an overly cheery say, "Good, you're just on time. Come on in and have a seat."

L looked around, curious to see, if, for some reason, there were any familiar faces.

To his surprise there was.

It was Sayu Yagami, Light's younger sister. He recognized her from the surveillance tapes from the Yagami's house.

"Huh, I didn't know Sayu was an insomniac." L thought, then mentally shrugged, he'd been paying closer attention to the footage involving Light, who was the more likely suspect.

He took one of the many seats set out around the podium, assuming his usual crouch.

"Okay, now that's everybody's here, we can begin." The cheerful voice spoke up again.

"Everybody's new here so I want you to introduce yourself; so please stand up say your name."

"You may go first" she said, motioning at Sayu.

"Hi, my name is Sayu and I'm an insomniac." The teenage girl stood up smiling at the others gathered there.

"Hi Sayu," Everybody echoed for some reason that escaped L.

The man next to her stood up and said, with a deep voice which didn't quite fit in with the rest of the group.

"Hi my name is Takeshi and I'm an insomniac"

Once again everybody echoed, "Hi Takeshi"

This routine of "Hi my name is blah" and the answer, "Hi blah" went on forever until finally it was L's turn.

He stood up and began "Hi my name is…" _Crap. _L hadn't thought to consider which of his aliases to use. He decided it was best to stick to the one he was already using.

"Hi my name is Ryuzaki, and I'm an insomniac"

"Hi Ryuzaki"

Once the introductions were done, the cheerful voice began talking once again.

"Okay, now I'm going to teach you how to do some relaxation exercises!

L barely resisted rolling his eyes

After what seemed like an excruciatingly long time, the meeting finally came to a close, and L walked outside where Watari was waiting to take him back to headquarters.

When he got back everybody was waiting eagerly inside and bombarded him with questions the minute he walked in the door.

"How was the meeting?"

"What did you talk about?"

"Everybody just shut up!!" L yelled, having reached his social limit for the day.

The whole room went quiet, L had never done that before, and the stunned silence was kind of creepy.

"We introduced ourselves and we learned some relaxation exercises, that was all."

He headed to his room and upon entering, spotted a stuffed panda sitting on his bed.

He looked at the note beside it and groaned.

It read:

_L, I know you said you didn't want a stuffed animal, but I was shopping for my little cousin and I saw this and I just thought it was so perfect for you. —Matsuda_

Gingerly picking up the toy, he deposited on a shelf, promising himself he would never look at it again.

He pulled out his laptop, and perching on his bed, continued to work on the case. At about 11:00, Watari entered the dim room with his pink bunny slippers and pajamas on, and eyed him disapprovingly.

"L you should go to bed now"

"Fine Watari" cane the impatient answer.

Turning off the computer, L set it aside and attempted some of the relaxation exercises they had practiced at the meeting.

An hour later he was back on the computer.

**I'd like to thank Loves-Chihuahuas for her great idea **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of its characters**

Chapter 3

L sighed wearily as he walked into the meeting. Once again he had 'tried' to sleep and once again he had failed. He really didn't care, it was a waste of time in his opinion, but Watari insisted.

"Why Ryuzaki you're almost late," the very perky head of I.A chirped. He hadn't bothered to learn her name. Watari had already run a background check."Come in and have a seat!"

"Today we have a hypnotist with us to help you fall asleep," she said pointing to the man next to her who L had seen observing the group during the last meeting.

_Oh god, this has got to be some sort of joke._ L glanced at the other members, most of whom seemed to share his opinion, if their dubious expressions were anything to go by.

One man raised his hand. "Excuse me, but exactly how is this supposed to help us?"

"Well," the hypnotist, a rather ratty looking man, explained, "the idea is that if you manage to fall asleep quickly once, than you should find easier to a second time."

That made sense in a way, but L doubted that a hypnotist was the best way to go about it. What kind of crazed person thought these things up? He glanced at the woman standing at the front of the room. _ course._

A large mechanized pendulum was rolled on a cart to the front of the class. They were instructed to look at it as the hypnotist proceeded to chant.

It might have been a decent attempt, L considered, if the pendulum didn't get stuck for third of a second three quarters of the way to the right, which interrupted the flow its movement, and the hypnotist's voice didn't squeak slightly every now and then. L hadn't met many hypnotists, any at all, in fact, but he was guessing that this one was pretty incompetent. This program must have either low standards, a low budget, or both if that was all they could get.

He watched for a while before getting bored, his mind wandering back to the Kira case and how things were progressing.

Everyone else seemed to have the same idea, staring off in various directions, their thoughts obviously elsewhere. One woman had even pulled out a book and was reading.

Curious as to why she wasn't stopped, they were supposed—after all—to be trying to be hypnotized, L searched the room for the lady in charge. She was asleep in her chair. _Well, at least this worked for someone._ Though L wasn't sure she was an insomniac herself, she was too cheerful, and he had seen no evidence of dark circles under her eyes. _Might be make-up. _He remembered Misa and bottles and jars she seemed to use everyday. Women were insane, choosing to smother their faces in that crap.

This went on for about an hour before she finally woke up and dismissed the group.

Watari was waiting outside for L. "How was the meeting?" he asked

L didn't answer, merely shooting him an incredulous look.

"I see."

Back at headquarters, they worked on the Kira case for the remainder of the day. When everyone else had left to get some sleep L headed to his room. Upon entering he saw the stuffed panda which had mysteriously ended up in the middle of his bed and was giving him the creepiest blank stare he had ever come across. Somewhat stressed and definitely pissed about all the questions he had been getting about the meeting and the case, he picked up the offending toy and tossed it into the hall

"Ow!" came the surprised cry. Looking out the door, L saw that he had hit Light with the stuffed toy. Light was now staring down at the small panda in confusion and rubbing his head.

"What on earth…?" he shot L an odd look before continuing down the hall.

L stared at the fallen toy for a moment before shutting his door.

No surprise, he didn't manage to sleep that night either.

**Sorry about the long time since the last update.**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or any of its characters **

L emerged from his room once again having not gotten any sleep. He simply could not do it. It wasn't for the lack of trying on Watari's part though, for—the previous night—he had secretly drugged L's drink.

It failed disastrously.

If you asked Watari, it was because L ate so much sugar. For example, L's breakfast consisted of a cup of tea, which was, more precisely, a cup of sugar with a small amount of tea thrown in for the purpose of flavoring. L continued worked on the Kira case for a few hours before it was time for the next meeting.

Through it all Matsuda was his usual clueless, irritating self, but it had gotten to the point that everyone was able to ignore without much difficulty. However, he took thing to new heights when he grabbed L's coffee instead of his. He took a huge gulp—and not having L's tolerance for sugar—he spewed it everywhere. Unfortunately, Light had gotten up to give some documents to his father and was in the direct line of fire.

Completely disgusted, Light immediately excused himself and drove home to change his clothes. He arrived back at HQ forty minutes later.

"Light, did you put on makeup or something? You took _forever_." Matsuda, ever the unwise one, said.

As it turns out, Light can punch pretty hard when he wants to.

So five minutes later, a rather cheerful Mogi and Aizawa carried Matsuda's unconscious body up to his room while Soichiro attempted to calm an irate Light. In all the confusion, L sincerely hoped everyone had forgotten about the I.A meeting.

Sadly, Watari never forgets.

He dropped L off (and L could have sworn his non-expression was almost gleeful). Then he drove off in a completely different direction (Watari was quite paranoid and always drove as if he was trying to throw off a tail).

L walked reluctantly to the room where the meeting was held, and as he opened the door, he saw everybody was wearing paper hats and there was a table with food and drink on it. The sight was almost enough to make him turn right around and hide somewhere for the duration of the meeting.

Too late, she had spotted him.

"Oh come in Ryuzaki, we're just celebrating Sayu's birthday," Called out the perky head of I.A.

L bit back a sigh and the ever-present wish that he was back at headquarters, and entered the room. He eyed the food and drink handed to him warily, though he was pleased to see that it seemed to contain an acceptable amount of sugar.

Unbeknownst to everybody, their leader, who was becoming desperate (and—let's face it—a little insane), had drugged the punch. Watari, wonderfully paranoid person that he was, had somehow discovered this minor plot and slipped an antidote into L's sugar-with-tea, that morning. Though he was beginning to wonder if the drug would have worked anyway. Still, better to be safe than sorry.

Suffice to say, nobody else had had an antidote in their drink, and so they all fell asleep. L and she-who-shall-not-be-named, were the only ones who had not. L, seeing the look of bewilderment on her face as she watched him, quickly put things together.

He spent the rest of the time mentally running over the Kira case, as well as a few others he had agreed to take on.

Finally the drugs wore off, and it was time for the meeting to disperse.

L eagerly clambered into the limo as it pulled up outside of the building.

He answered Watari's questions about the meetings quietly as he stared out the window, thoughts returning to the Kira case.

Watari took in all L said with interest. He didn't like anyone else drugging L (hence the antidote), but if it had worked on other insomniacs…

There were more questions for L when he returned to HQ, and he answered them in the same disinterested and slightly impatient tone of voice. He just wanted to get back to work.

Everyone was quite shocked by the method employed by the head of the I.A, which they all agreed was quite unorthodox. Aizawa was the first to voice his opinion.

"Wow, that woman is crazy," he said "That sounds illegal. She's probably gonna get sued."

L shrugged, but couldn't help feeling hopeful. If she was sued, would that put an end to the dreadful, useless meetings?

That night Watari tried a different drug.

Unsurprisingly, it failed.


End file.
